Cancer bits from Beauty and the Beast

You know what’s better than pure delight? Perverse delight. You know when you take the thickest slice – on purpose- of homemade sourdough bread?! The homemade sourdough is the pure delight: the thickness of the slice- that’s perverse delight.

Cancer is a type of perverse delight. NO ONE is going to argue with the Cancer chick. I could be rambling about how Donald Trump is the kindest leader that loves the people, and NOT ONE person will disagree with even an obvious nay! And that, my friends, is perversely delightful.

For the second time (Cancer x 2) in my sixty years, I can say I need a nap at any time of the day; and NOT ONE person will judge me.

For the second time in my life, I’ve lost track of time, I mean literally. I can’t remember if it’s graceful Tuesday or loving Friday, much less the month and a number.

For the second time in my life, I don’t have to cook. Best part about that? I don’t feel guilty.

For the second time in my life, strangers care about me. It’s a different, deeper, more profound type of love.

For the first time in my life, I can express my feelings and be fully received. This is the “first” time because on Cancer #1, I was part of a cult; and expression wasn’t a thing.

For the second time in my life, I don’t care about my person in ANY way whatsoever – Should I get botox? Should I keep letting my hair grey? Do I need a mani? blah, blah, blah- except to fight cancer.

For the second time in my life, I can say I love you to everyone and they feel it which makes me feel it too.

For the first time in my life, I am fighting cancer alongside my daughter and her diagnosis. In its own way, even more perversely delightful.

For the first time in my life, I feel completely vulnerable…like a mountaineer standing at the top of Everest and looking out and thinking, Now I have to get down. I didn’t feel this way the first time because Jessica was safe.

For the second time in my life, the birds are prima donnas, the sky an endless blue, and the grass greener on this side than on the other one.

How perverse.

And delightful.

Kim